On that day I thought Iwas happy because I finally got to buy a huge peluche, but had the feeling of something off, something that was trigging me. On that day I was planned to stay at home, putting everything at day and I needed some time for me. On that day snowed like I have never seen in my life, it was beautiful and I couldn't contain my happiness. 

On that day I was confronted with things that my mind knew but is still not ready to deal with, so I put on the armor but I felt my expressions changing. And then when I was alone I cried because is too painful to face part of the truth. It hurt hearing those words from people that are my support and can see through me. On that day I didn't want to go down and socialize, but I put the fake smile, deep breath. Everything was fine when it wasn't. When I felt the hug of "I'm sorry, I know I was too harsh." that gave me some love but it still hurt. 

On that night I had fun, I laugh, I smiled like my inner child wanted, I enjoyed it. My anxiety was in the corner, but I gave myself to that environment of just being in the present and surrounded by people happy.